...It’s easier to blame the victim than change the system.
Abusers weaponize their own idiosyncrasies and parade them as high
standards, shaming anyone who falls short. That often sets in motion a
cycle of low self-esteem, late work, and less polished writing to prove
that the accuser, not the abuser, must be problem.
The feeling of
being unheard, untrusted, and not believed keeps the cycle spiraling
further out of control. Too many of my clients feel guilt creep into
their professional lives. Some can be quick to blame themselves. Others
hesitate to turn down requests to give a talk or contribute to a
journal, because they think they "owe" colleagues "favors" and will be
criticized for not delivering. This is often the legacy of chronic,
institutionalized abuse — of people breaking others rather than building
up their confidence and helping them be successful colleagues.
If
you find yourself saying, "Look, what he did was wrong, but really, her
work isn’t that good, anyway," or, "If she were strong, like me, she
would have stood up for herself," or, "If she didn’t have something to
hide, she would have spoken out" — you are part of the problem...
From: https://www.chronicle.com/article/AbusersEnablers-in/241648
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